“Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.” - Charles Dickens
The best Aikidoists strive to be better, not bitter. To be bitter is “to be angry and unhappy because we cannot forget the bad things that have happened to us in the past.” In life, the trials and tribulations have the tendency to add up. As they add up, we become hardened. We can become hardened in a good way or in a bad way.
In Japanese, a “bitter experience” is korigori (懲り懲り) which can also mean “to be fed up.” Perhaps that is why the kanji is repeated because most of us need to experience something at least twice before we can realize that we need to change it. The problem with allowing something to go on too long is that we run the risk of allowing it to get to our hearts and we become bitter.
As a general rule in Aikido, we never block an opponent’s attack. Blocking forces us to receive or absorb the power or energy from our opponent’s attack. In Aikido, we neutralize our opponent’s attacks with movement. When I say movement, I don’t mean running away out of fear. What I mean is purposefully and mindfully moving in or away with the power of the attack. This purposeful movement allows us to align with the power of the attack. Alignment allows us to reorient the power of the attack. Changing the power of the attack enables us to redirect that power into a throw or pin. This is ki no nagare (氣の流れ) or “the flow of ki.” To flow with the ki or “energy” of the attack means that we are not absorbing the power of the attack or taking on the energy of the attack either.
Things will happen - most times they are unpleasant. Furuya Sensei said, “Dojos are not built upon successes but on many failures.” These failures have a way of hardening us. In a good way, it steels us so that we are better equipped to tolerate failures and setbacks in the future. In a bad way, it can harden our hearts which makes us bitter. When we are bitter, all we see is red and every problem becomes a head that needs to be chopped off and this is not healthy.
Interestingly, the word korigori can also mean “to learn from a bad experience.”When untoward things happen, we can see them as a gift to help us change and become better people. Perhaps that is why the Japanese say ryouyakuhakuchininigashi (良薬は口に苦し) or that “good medicine tastes bitter.”
In life and in Aikido, it is easy for the abused to become the abuser. Aikidoists are supposed to be more sophisticated people who understand the truth of humanity - everyone suffers. Understanding this, the untoward things that happen to us lose their edge and just become lessons that we need to learn, and its hardship is just making us better people. Author Roy T. Bennett said, “Never let hard lessons harden your heart; the hard lessons of life are meant to make you better, not bitter.” Thus, the best Aikidoists strive to be better, not bitter.
Today’s goal: Just because someone hurt you doesn’t mean you have to hurt them - break the cycle of bitterness.
Watch this video to better understand better not bitter