“Every individual matters. Every individual has a role to play. Every individual makes a difference.”
- English primatologist and anthropologist Jane Goodall
Yesterday was Michael Stinson’s heavenly birthday. Michael was a student at the dojo and sadly took his own life in 2019. A couple of the many things his passing has taught me was that it is very easy to lose sight of the reach of our influence and the role that we play in other people’s lives.
Aikido training teaches us discernment. In Japanese, to have discernment is hijichoumoku (飛耳長目) which means “to have sharp eyes and open ears.” To have discernment is to be able to calculate one’s opponent or see the situation properly.
In Aikido, the nage or “the one throwing” has to be able to “see” their training partner. Physically, we have to be able to judge our opponent’s strengths and weaknesses. We need to know how fast or strong they are and what their ability level might be in addition to what style of fighting they might be trained in.
Once we get good at judging physicalities, we try to get a handle on the mental aspects of our partners. We look for clues that give away our opponent’s true mental state. In poker, these are called “tells.” A tell is “a change in a player's behavior or demeanor that is claimed by some to give clues to that player's assessment of their hand.” The same goes for Aikido. We need to know the opponent’s mental and emotional state and temperament. Knowing or being able to discern means being able to properly judge the situation and the person and see them in their entirety and then acting accordingly.
In class, students should workout with a myriad of different people, body types, skill levels, etc so that they can start to develop a portfolio of archetypes. These archetypes become the basis of how we negotiate different types of people. For instance, working out with a tall and heavy person who has experience in Judo helps you understand how to deal with that type of person. These archetypes won’t be exactly the same, but they give us a place to start and a way to begin engaging them.
Later, we take our newfound ability of discernment and use it outside of the dojo. This is where Aikidoists start to understand humanity. We have the eyes see that the rude person is just a person who is suffering, and we learn the Truth about humanity - everyone suffers. Each person is suffering in their own little world and most of the time the things that are being done toward us are not personal at all. Those people are just acting out their suffering on us.
Aikido teaches us that each of us has a role to play in people’s lives and we get to choose how we play that role. The interesting thing is that we will most likely never know what role we truly played, nor will we ever know the impact, good or bad. All we can do is realize that we “get to” be part of people’s lives and “get to” have an impact and thus we should act as kind and generously as possible.
Every day, I think about Michael and how I didn’t see that he was suffering. Hindsight is 20/20. Trying to learn a lesson from his passing, I believe that he didn’t realize how much of a role he played in people’s lives and how much of an impact he had on so many people. English primatologist and anthropologist Jane Goodall said, “Every individual matters. Every individual has a role to play. Every individual makes a difference.” A good Aikidoist should be able to see but the best realize that what they do matters.
Today’s goal: Be kind - you will never truly know the role or impact you have on others
If you are thinking about harming yourself or attempting suicide, tell someone who can help right away. If you need to talk to a counselor, please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or in the US dial 988.
Watch this video short of Seth Godin talking about mattering