“Fellow samurai must support each other. We are never so keenly grateful for the kindness of others as when we have fallen on hard times.” —Oishi, The Loyal 47 Ronin - Chushingura
The other day, my daughter was selling some of her drawings at the Holiday Market that one of the other tenants was having in our parking lot behind the dojo. She is 10 and is not a professional and her drawings are pretty juvenile. I held my breath every time someone came by her table to look. Then something magical happened. Someone bought one and then another and another. At some point, this man stopped and started to ask her questions. He then said, “I’d like to negotiate with you for your sample book.” My daughter sheepishly said, “Five dollars?” The man said, “No higher.” My daughter replied “10?” He reached out his hand and said, “How about 20 dollars?” They shook and did the exchange. The look on my daughter’s face was epic. Seeing this act of kindness from a stranger, I instantly thought, “Ahh, there is no sword that can oppose kindness.”
At that moment, I understood the Japanese proverb nasake ni hamukau yaiba nashi (情けに向かう刃なし) or “There is no sword which can oppose kindness.” At first glance, I thought this proverb was about being kind. However, when I saw these people give their hard-earned money so that a young kid would not give up on their dreams, it made me want to cry. In Japanese, being moved by something is called hodasareru (絆される) or “to be moved by kindness.”
There is a difference between giving kindness and being kind. Giving kindness is about the act. Being kind is a mindset or a character trait. Anyone can give kindness. Sometimes, people give kindness as an act from their smaller selves as they try to garner favor for their own benefit. This isn’t bad, it is just empty. Other times, there are those who are kind as a way of life and do things because that is who they are because they have been taught to be that way or it is just their nature. Giving or being is not mutually exclusive. Most times, we have to fake until we make it. With each act of kindness, whether genuine or forced, we move closer to developing the mindset or character trait of being kind where it becomes an all the time thing.
Furuya Sensei said, “How someone does Aikido tells you everything you need to know about them.” What he meant is that Aikido is a conduit that tends to bring to the surface one’s true personality. In other words, people can see who we truly are by how we move.
In class, we bow to our partners not as an act of subserviency but as a gesture of kindness. If kindness is not in your DNA, kindness is a practice. The bow is then how we practice being kind. On the mat, we will meet all sorts of people and many of them we will not like. Those people are the fodder for change. They give us the chance to practice being kind to someone that we would rather be mean to. In Japanese, they say ada wo ondemukuiru (仇を恩で報いる) or “to repay meanness with kindness.”
Anyone can be a bully, heartless, or unkind - it takes no inner strength to do so. It does however take a tremendous amount of inner strength to be kind in the face of adversity. I don’t fear people who are strong or have good technique. I fear those that can be kind when there is nothing in it for them - they have true inner strength. That is why there is no sword that can oppose kindness.
Today’s goal: Be kind to someone today who doesn’t deserve it.