From the Aikido Center of Los Angeles’ Aiki Dojo Message - Don’t Just Crank it
Most of the problems in a dojo can be avoided if we follow these two rules: Don’t crank someone else’s wrist if you don’t want your wrist cranked. If you like it when people crank your wrist, don’t assume they like it - at least ask them, first. All of the other problems can possibly be fixed by just substituting the words “wrist crank” with the words for the problem that you are having.
Thinking about this, that means that most of the problems that we encounter in a dojo could possibly be solved with the two Cs: communication and compassion.
Communication. Use your words to convey your needs or desires rather than just assuming that the other person knows. i.e. ask them if they want you to crank their wrist. Good communication is the kind of thing left over from the battlefield where “without unimpeded real-time communication, forces risk fratricide, isolation, and mission failure.” Speak up, don’t assume, and try to understand. Speak up, be honest and be as clear as you can when you do speak up so that you are conveying the right information and also that the person can hear you. Don’t assume that they know. Don’t assume that you know. Also try to understand because there is a possibility that the person wasn’t entirely honest because they might not understand what they want. Therefore, when in doubt ask and if you don’t understand, ask for clarification.
Compassion. Compassion enables us to put into practice the understanding that we gained from the act of communicating. True compassion is the ability to be with a person where they are not where you would like them to be. One of the universal truths is that every person is suffering. So, when we crank their wrist when they aren’t ready to take it, we are just adding to their suffering. When we assume they are just a jerk because they act like, without knowing and just hating on them, we are adding to their suffering. As his holiness the Dalai Lama famously stated, "Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.” It is easy to hurt people with words or fists. Being able to give compassion to a person that we don’t really like or who doesn’t particularly deserve it is a high level skill.
Training in Aikido is done as a partnership where there is supposed to be synergy where two or more people are working together so that each person reaches their highest potential. That is why Furuya Sensei used to discourage us from solo training. In Aikido, we are forced to do this. I use the word force because in training, the thing that we avoid is the path. Everyone works well with the people that they like. The extent to which you can work with a person that you don’t particularly like but still create a harmonious outcome dictates your level of Aikido skill.
The goal in Aikido is not to effectively and painfully crank someone’s wrist. Anyone can do that. The goal is to become aware enough to do just enough. That deft touch requires a certain level of communication and compassion. Aikido is about change. We twist the wrist to change the other person’s mind. They can come away from it thinking that we are a jerk or they can come away from thinking that you are an incredible person. However, our true goal is not to change them, our goal is to only change ourselves. The next time you go to crank someone’s wrist, think, ask, and try to understand. The Way is in that which we fear, hate, or try to avoid. Strive to understand, not just to make it hurt.
Today’s goal: Look past what you think is happening or you think is right and ask questions so that you can understand.
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